That Part of Me
by Username that hasnt been taken
Summary: This fic goes through season 8 and 9, as well as predictions for season 10. It shows how close Dean and Cas get over the years, after all of the messes they've been through. Though how will they react after the events of 9X23? How will it affect their relationship? Dean/Castiel Anything you recognize is not mine.
1. Chapter 1

Cas was back. The dirt and blood of Purgatory still covered the angel's clothes and body, but he was still back. Dean had no clue how, but part of him didn't care. Cas was back. He was safe and pretty much sane and... alive.

The other part of Dean, though, was seriously worried. How _did_ Cas get back? It was hard enough getting Dean out, but Cas... Cas was an angel. Cas claimed he knew nothing about his return, but if that was true, it made matters even worse. They had no idea what they were up against, or even if it was something bad. Did Cas make some deal? Was it God? Was it a demon or some shitty angel? Was there some unknown price they had to pay? Would Dean have to lose his angel again?

Wait... his angel? Cas wasn't Dean's. Cas was Cas'. He deserved to make his own choices. As long as those choices didn't almost destroy the world. Or Heaven. When did he start think of Cas as _his_ angel?

Dean brought his attention back to the angel in front of him. The blood and dirt, along with the new peach-fuzz, made him look as if he had fought a thousand wars and marched a million miles since they last saw him. His eyes looked much brighter when compared to the rest of him, but they also had a heaviness to them that had not been there before.

"I'm dirty," the angel suddenly said. Dean let out a small chuckle, but there was no humor in his voice.

"Yeah, Purgatory'll do that to you." As Cas got up to clean himself off, Dean started worrying again. Was Cas telling the truth? Did he really know how he got out? If so, then why hide it? Was Cas even on the same team as them? All of these questions were racing through Dean's mind, telling him he shouldn't trust the angel in front of him. Yet, there was that part that didn't care. That wanted everything to go back to normal. Or what passed for normal in a hunter's life. He wanted Cas to stay and hunt with him and Sam. That they could all be a family again. Of course, he knew it was never that easy. Not for the Winchesters.

"You alright?" Sam asked, concern etched on his face. Dean turned and Cas where Cas had been only seconds before.

"You do see something, severely wrong with this, right? Sammy, I remember every second of leaving that place, I mean I remember the heat, the stink, the pain, the fear. I have that while ugly mess right up here and he says he has no idea how he got out. I- I'm just not buying it."

"So, what? You think he's lying?" Sam asked.

"I'm saying something else happened. I saw the shape he was in. I mean there was no way he was fighting out his ass alone. No way."

"Alright, so who... or what got him out?"

Dean sighed. "Yeah, exactly."

The brothers heard footsteps and saw Cas, freshly shaven and sparkling clean, step out of the bathroom. He even had his suit back on instead of his old hospital clothes. Man, Dean hated those. It reminded him of the pain and betrayal that followed the apocalypse.

"Better?" The angel spread out his arms as if to show as much of his body as he could. Dean felt his heart beat faster and he was speechless. Him, Dean Winchester, was speechless over his best friend. I mean, he looked absolutely fantastic, especially after Purgatory, but Dean didn't feel that way about guys. And absolutely not about his best friend. That would be ridiculous. Ridiculous.

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><p>Dammit, Naomi. Why'd you have to fuck everything up when things finally started looking better for Team Free Will. Dean knew Cas had been acting stranger and stranger as time wore on; killing Samindrial, torturing those demons in such ruthless ways, lying to the brothers; but Dean still thought it was Cas making his decisions, not some winged ass.<p>

Since they found out Cas was torturing demons, he hasn't been the same. He was cruel and rash and... not Cas. Dean had been wary of the angel, always on guard, ready for Cas to turn on them. But once the two of them stepped inside Lucifer's crypt, Cas had become harder and colder than Dean thought Cas could be. He truly wasn't himself. It was if his only purpose in life was to find the angel tablet. As if he would kill anything and anyone that would stand in his way. Including Dean.

But what really warned Dean that Cas wasn't himself was how he volunteered to take the angel tablet to Heaven, instead of Kevin like they had agreed. Dean had refused, making excuses about supply runs and such to keep the tablet. If Cas was being controlled, then he could cause some seriously big problems. That's when Cas had twisted his arm, forcing the tablet to fall to the ground.

Angel blade in hand, Cas had been knocking Dean to the ground, scraping his face with the blade as his fist passed. Pain burned in the hunter's face as he continuously fell to the floor. Why didn't Cas just get it over with and kill him already? It was obvious that he would not hesitate, so why was he just beating the shit out of him?

Despite the fact that Cas was being controlled, knocking Dean to the floor every time he tried to get up, there was that part of him that didn't care. That was willing to forget all about this mess and return to how things were without a second thought. That part that would do anything to keep them together. Unfortunately, things were never that easy with the Winchesters.

"Cas, it's me. We need you," Dean said, trying as hard as he could to get Cas back. "I need you."

The angel blade was held in the air, waiting to be brought down in one last stroke, ending the hunter's life. Yet, Cas lowered his hand, dropping the blade. Dean exhaled, glad that this mess was over. Cas raised his arm again. Expecting another attack, Dean tried to back away, but when the angel held his face, all the hunter's wounds healed.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," the angel croaked out. He explained everything about Naomi and being controlled.

"What broke the connection?" Dean asked after the story had been told. They stared at each other for a second, knowing the answer. They knew, but neither wanted to be the one to admit it.

"I- I don't know," Cas replied. Dean was still wary of the angel, but relief started to fill his body. _At least he's better. At least now he's Cas. _

"So now what, gonna protect them angel tablet from those winged asses?"

Cas looked away for a second. "Yes... but also from you." He locked eyes with Dean again before disappearing.

* * *

><p>Fucking Metatron! Things were already hectic what with trying to close Hell and getting the angel table back, but he just had to take it all one step further.<p>

Dean was already mad at Cas for losing the angel tablet, for not trusting the brothers... for leaving him. The stupid angel just had to leave the bunker, didn't he? But Dean thought if it hadn't been Cas, it would have been some other angel. It still hurt, though. Now Sam was dying, Crowley was an emotionally unstable almost-human, and the angels were falling. It was almost beautiful, the lights streaking the sky, lighting up the clear, dark sky. But Dean could make out the wings of some angels, could almost hear the screams of the creatures as they plummeted to an unknowing world. It was almost beautiful. Almost.

Dean carried his brother and gently laid him down in the backseat, then threw Crowley carelessly into the trunk. As he drove to the nearest hospital, he all he could think about was Cas. Was Cas still alive? Was he okay? Is he still an angel? Dean knew that he had brushed off Naomi's warning as if it were nothing and continued to gather the materials for the spell and that the angel (or ex-angel) foolishly put his trust in Metatron, but there was that part of Dean that didn't care. That was still worried about the guy and that knew Cas was just trying to do what was right. That believed that they could fix this and be happy again. But things were never that easy for the Winchesters.

Dean parked by the hospital and ran, carrying his heavy brother into the building. Nurses and doctors rushed him to the ER, asking what happened. Dean had no answers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I'm taking this a different direction then I originally planned to, but I think it'll be worth it. That means this story will probably be longer, but whatever. Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p>Angels are asses. Sure Cas helped throw all the angels out of Heaven, but he did so unknowingly. The angels should really be going after Metatron. He's the one who came up with the whole plan and tricked Cas. But no, the angels had to blame little, naïve Cas. And to make matters worse, Cas seems to be who knows where. Meanwhile, Dean was stuck with a comatose brother. He didn't blame Sam, it was just stressful. He was worried sick about both of them. He had no clue what to do and he couldn't lose his brother, not again, so when an angel claiming to be Ezekiel offered to posses Sam and fix him, Dean accepted. It seemed like a miracle.<p>

What Dean didn't know was that while this whole thing was going on, Cas was on the streets, cold and hungry. All of these new emotions that came with falling, it was overwhelming to the poor man. So he befriended a kind girl named April. She showed him kindness that no one had before. Well, no one but the Winchesters. But this girl, this ordinary girl with no magical power had shown him that there were those that had only the best intentions. That wanted to help others and bring happiness to those who needed it. It was that knowledge gave him hope.

"It's all new to me. Hunger, cold, this feeling... being all alone," the ex-angel admitted as the kind girl applied salve to his wound. Running from fallen angels did come with a few scratches.

"Your not alone tonight," April replied. She leaded forward and kissed Castiel on the cheek to comfort him. About an hour later they were laying in bed after have what Cas thought was amazing sex. Things had escalated quickly.

"Say something," April said, nervous.

"There aren't words."

"So, that was okay?"

"Very much so. What I did, that was... um... correct?" Cas asked, worried that he had done this wrong. It was his first time after all.

"Very much so," she mimicked.

"Good."

After laughing for a bit, April asked, "Castiel, I can't help thinking, you know, all that stuff you said earlier, all the blame and guilt. It seems like taking on a heavy load for such a sweet guy."

"Believe me, I've done a lot of foolish and unwise things. I'm no angel," he laughed. It hurt to think about that. All of the powers that he lost, not being able to return home until he died, casting out all other angels.

"Well, whoever you trusted, can't they help undo this?" April asked hopefully.

"We're not in contact."

"So... What's next for you?"

What was next for Cas? Honestly, he wanted to go back to Dean and Sam, learn how to hunt, help put the angels back in Heaven. He wanted to help clean up the mess he made. But he also just wanted to spend time with the Winchesters. They were his home since he rebelled against Heaven. In this big world he'd fallen into, they were his guide. They were looking for him at that moment, but Cas didn't know that. He was just a powerless 'baby in a trench coat,' as Dean would say, so he was probably not their number one priority right now. _Maybe that's why they don't care about me,_ he thought. I mean, now that he had no powers and no concept of human interaction; he would just be a liability. He would probably cause more trouble trying to fix the mess than he would just staying out of it. Maybe that's what he should do. Get a job, marry some nice girl, have a couple of kids, like Metatron said. Yeah, that's what he would do. Live a nice, normal life.

"More of this I hope."

* * *

><p>No. This can't happen. Not after they were so close. Not ever, but especially not now. After interrogating anything who might know where Cas was, they had found the ex-angel just as a red-haired bitch buried her angel blade in his stomach. They were so close.<p>

Dean made sure the bitch paid. Dean plunged his own angel blade into her chest. Light shone bright from the reaper's eyes and mouth, but Dean watched, wanting to see the life bleed out of her. It was much better than what she deserved, but Dean decided this was enough. When the light was gone and the reaper fell to the ground, Dean remembered the broken man tied to the chair behind him. He rushed over to Cas.

"Cas? Cas? Cas?" Dean dropped the blade and cupped Cas' face in his hands, looking for any sign that he was still alive. He had to be alive. Cas couldn't leave them alone. Not again. Certainly not after they had just found the angel. Ex-angel. The worry had been tearing Dean apart and now... now he was... No. Cas wasn't dead. He couldn't be. He just couldn't be.

"Cas!" Dean tried again. Cas still did not stir. _So that's it. He's gone_, he thought. Sam began to stand up from where he was knock down before by the reaper. His eyes rested on Cas' body, remembering what had just happened.

Dean stumbled away saying, "Sam, he's gone."

Sam, who for some reason didn't look quite like Sam, walked over to Cas placing his hand on the exposed chest. Light glowed from his hand as he healed Cas' wounds. _Ezekiel_, Dean realized. It looked to put a lot of strain on the angel to heal his brother and he stumbled away when it was done, falling back to the ground. Cas opened his eyes and gasped for breath. Dean walked towards Sam to check on him, but stopped when he heard a weak croak.

"Dean." The hunter in question turned and rushed back to Cas' side.

"Hey, yeah," the hunter cooed, trying to calm Cas down. Being brought back from the dead comes with a bit of shock and fear each time. He should know. Sam sat up, back to himself again. Cas looked over at the youngest hunter.

"And Sam," he croaked.

"Cas, your okay," Sam said in between breaths. Being possessed by an angel was also tough work. Especially when you had no idea you were possessed. Dean figured he could tell Sam... eventually. He didn't want to risk Sam freaking out and ejecting the only thing that might save his life.

"Never do that again," Dean commanded, after the initial shock had passed.

"Alright," Cas replied. Beautiful Cas with his raven-colored sex hair and his bright blue eyes. Stupid, trusting Cas who just wanted to fix what he could, even though he always made bad choices trying to "fix" things. Clueless, innocent Cas, who had millions and millions of years of information in his head, yet couldn't understand "flirtation." Perfect little Cas.

Dean had gotten used to thinking these things about his friend. He wasn't comfortable with it, but he had gotten used to it. He knew it was wrong to think of Cas, his best friend, in that way, but he couldn't help it. He tried to bury the thoughts at first, never letting them see the light of day, but it soon became clear that didn't work. Dean knew he had feelings for Cas, but that didn't mean he had to admit them. It would just cause trouble that they didn't need. Cas would probably be disgusted and refuse to talk to Dean again, which Dean didn't think he would take. But part of him didn't care. Part of him wanted to cup Cas' face again and kiss him until they couldn't breath. But he walked away.

* * *

><p>Stupid angels. Why did they have to be tracking Cas? Why couldn't Ezekiel just suck it up and agree to live with Cas? The angels hadn't found him yet. Who says they would ever find him? He didn't need to leave.<p>

Dean had a lot going through his head when he asked Cas to sit down. They had just found Cas and almost lost him. Why did he have to give the ex-angel up now? It didn't seem fair. Then again, Dean would do anything to make sure Sam was healthy and alive. He couldn't risk Ezekiel leaving and Sam dying. So he agreed to the angels terms. He asked Cas to have a seat so they could talk.

"Of course. Dean you know I always appreciate our talks. And our time together," Cas replied causally, eating his burrito. It sounded as if he could have said the burritos were good, which they were. It hurt Dean to do this anyway, but with those words, his heart broke. He almost couldn't get his next words out.

"Listen, buddy. You can't stay." Dean looked into Cas' eyes and instantly regretted it. Confusion and sorrow filled the ex-angels eyes as he realized what Dean had just said. He has had his grace stolen, been betrayed by one of the few people he thought he could trust (even though it was stupid to trust someone you just met), had been killed and this was all in a month. The recently turned human had finally found his friends, his family, only to be thrown out.

Dean was wrong before. Now his heart broke.

"Why?" Cas finally asked, strangled and pained. Dean couldn't really tell Cas what was going on. Ezekiel told him this, but he couldn't come up with a convincing lie, so he just shrugged. This was obviously the wrong thing to do as Cas, if it was possible, looked even more depressed and betrayed. He knew that this was all to protect his brother, but right then, he didn't care. Not one bit of him. If he could, Dean would have pulled Cas into a hug that lasted the night, apologizing until Cas truly knew just how sorry he was and just how much it hurt to see Cas go. But he couldn't do any of those things. He couldn't do anything like that without endangering his brother. And that was something he could not do. So the hunter watched Cas leave.

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><p>Dammit, Dean. That stubborn, self-sacrificing idiot. He just had to get the Mark of Cain, didn't he? Didn't he know the consequences of such magic? Then again, even if he did, Dean would probably still take to if it could kill Abaddon. But Cas was still angry.<p>

The angel almost chased after the hunters when they left to give Dean a piece of his mind, but it wouldn't help their cause at all. But Cas didn't care. Didn't Dean know how much Cas cared about him and how hard it was to see him like that? To see him, yet again, condemn himself to eternal damnation? It wasn't fair. Then again, nothing was for the Winchesters. So Castiel did not go. But he did send out a signal to every angel, discarding his own safety to send a warning. Anyone to hurt Dean would suffer.

Tears swam in Cas' eyes. He had simply absorbed the grace of another angel. He wasn't truly on of them again, but it was close enough. Unfortunately, because part of him was still technically human, he was still overwhelmed with emotions. A few he didn't recognize, but others were so familiar from his days in the cold.

The worst thing was that Cas had no idea. He knew Dean was acting a bit weird, but he had no idea it was something this serious. He had no clue that Dean was getting close to the brink of humanity. Cas knew what this Mark would do and how it affected whoever had it. He knew what monsters they became. So how could he not notice? How could he not notice that his best friend- no, that didn't sound right. His... whatever needed his help. And Cas had no idea.

Forget the angel war and getting back to Heaven, Cas just wanted the Winchesters safe and happy. But they were living the lives of hunter; they were never safe and rarely happy. Cas sunk to the floor, back leaning against the hotel bed and cried for the first time in a long time.

* * *

><p>The angel and the hunter were slightly concerned about each other. Cas had amassed an army. One almost as large as Metatron's, if not bigger. Last time he had that much power, he tried playing God and almost destroyed Heaven. And now all these angel suicide bombings? In Castiel's name? Dean just wasn't sure that he trusted the angel. Not only that, but his grace was burning out. Unless they did something, Cas would be gone soon.<p>

Cas was worried about the Mark. Dean had become harsher, crueller. From what Cas saw, he enjoyed torturing things! Wasn't a major issue between them for a while that Cas made Dean torture again? Not only was he crueller to "the enemy," but he didn't trust Cas anymore. Cas knew that him leading an army was the same thing that had led to a mass killing in Heaven, but Cas also knew that he could be trusted. He proved himself multiple times in between then and now. Even if Dean truly didn't trust Cas, he sure as Hell knew not to bring it up. That was overstepping a huge boundary. It would be like if Cas mentioned the time he told Sam to leave and never come back, back before Lucifer made his appearance. This was not the Dean he knew. What was happening?

Then Tessa died. Dean was told not to bring any weapons when interrogating, in fear of killing the captive. Yet Dean still brought his precious First Blade. Cas didn't believe he really killed Tessa, but the evidence was against him. Dean knew that it was another suicide, but he was still blamed. Castiel's army demanded that Dean be killed, as was the rules in these situations.

"We gave you our trust. Don't lose it over one man," Hannah, one of the angels, said. She handed Castiel an angel blade. "This is justice."

A few angels held Dean and Sam back. Cas looked from the blade to Hannah and Dean. If Cas was ever to win this war against Metatron, he needed an army. And it wouldn't help to have all the angels against him again. There was just too muck to lose.

But there was that part that didn't care. The Winchesters were there for him when no one else was. They were his family when he turned back on Heaven. They meant everything to Cas. They gave him hope in humanity when there was none. He couldn't imagine not fighting beside them. They were too precious to leave. Dean was too precious to kill. True, he had the Mark and probably would cause a whole new set of problems, but Cas couldn't imagine life without Dean.

"No, I can't," Cas said, casting his eyes down and lowing the blade.

Hannah let out a breath she seemed to be holding. "Goodbye, Castiel."

One by one, the angels left the warehouse that severed as their headquarters, leaving only two hunters and an angel.

When they returned to the bunker, Dean and Cas sat down together.

"I'm fine," Cas said.

"No, you're not. How long you got?"

"Long enough to destroy Metatron, I hope. But without an army..."

"Well, hey, you still got us," Dean said with a smile.

"Dean," Castiel started after a few minutes of silence. "You don't really think that I..."

"Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. No, there's no way you blew those people away."

Cas leaned forward, "Do you really believe we three will be enough?"

Dean smiled. "We always have been."

* * *

><p>No. Metatron's lying. He has to be. There is no way that Dean was dead. That... That was impossible.<p>

"I just want to be an angel," he had said only moments earlier. But what he really wanted was Dean back. He couldn't... He couldn't deal with... He looked at Metatron, alone in his cell. For some one who just lost a war, Cas could have sworn he had a tiny smile on his face. As if he enjoyed Cas' pain. He probably did. Cas glared at the angel who had taken away so much. First his grace, and now the man he loved. _Why deny it any longer_, he thought. _Dean's not going to be around to reject me anyway. _

"Why?" Castiel asked, alone now except for Metatron.

Metatron looked up. "Why did I kill your precious, little Righteous Man? Well, first of all, he was in the way. But I would have killed him anyway just to see you scream." Metatron was grinning now.

Cas rattled the bars of the cell. "You little bastard. You will rot in this cell until you go insane. As much as I would love to see you dead, the thought of you in endless monotony and insanity makes me feel just a bit better."

Cas left the prison to the sounds of Metatron laughing. He needed to be with Sam.

* * *

><p>No. This isn't possible. He couldn't be... No.<p>

Dean rubbed his face. They would fix this. He, Sam, and Cas would fix this. They could fix this, right? Crowley was nowhere to be found, which was smart because he had a feeling he would've killed the sonvabitch the second he could. Dean looked down to see the First Blade still in his hands. He threw it across the room in disgust. Dean never wanted to see the thing again. Yet he wanted to hold it in his hand forever. He was so confused. First things first. He had to get rid of his black eyes. It took a few minutes, but he was finally able to get them back to their normal green. Now, how was he going to tell Sam and Cas?

Shit, how were they? Last time he saw Sam, he was sobbing. He wasn't going to sell his soul again, was he? What about Cas? He had enough on his plate already, he didn't need thins, too. Neither of them did. They both would be better without him. They could fix all the shit he had caused and lead semi-normal lives. Then again, he couldn't hide forever. He knew that wouldn't work. He just had to face the music. Shit! When did he start using such girly language? He hoped that would ware off.

Dean stepped into the library to find no one. Which was strange, considering how Sam loved his books. He check Sam's bedroom next, then the kitchen. Was he even in the bunker? Dean decided to check the dungeon just to make sure. He stopped right outside the door, considering his options. What would Sam do if he found out about Dean? Would he try to hunt Dean? Would he leave? What about Cas? Hell, he didn't even know if they defeated Metatron or not! Should he just run for it? A crashing sound brought him out of his stupor. He opened the door.

And the was Sam, trying to summon a demon. Dammit.

"Sam!" Dean yelled. Well, there goes his options.

Sam turned around quicker than humanly possible. "D-Dean? Is that you?"

"Yeah. No step out of thaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sam had thrown holy water at him to make sure he wasn't being possessed. Stupid hunter reflexes.

Sam had a gun on him in seconds. "I don't know who you are, I don't know how you got into Dean, but you get out of my brother or I swear I will kill you slowly and painfully."

"Sam! Okay. Okay. I know what this looks like but you've got to believe me, I-"

"Don't give me any of that crap! Now what are you doing?" Sam yelled.

"Sammy, I-"

"Don't call me that!"

"Listen, you gotta believe me. Apparently, when you die with the Mark of Cain, you become... well..."

Sam shook his head. "I told you! Cut the crap!" His eyes were bloodshot, his face scrunched up in confusion and anger.

"I'll prove it to you. On your very first date, I made sure to switch out your cologne with cat urine. It was one of my best pranks, if I do say so myself," Dean said with a small chuckle.

Sam didn't lower the gun, but Dean saw his face soften slightly. He continued, "Whenever you were picked on, I would beat the crap out of whoever hurt you. The first time you came home with straight A's, I called you a nerd, but I brought home ice cream that night. The day you left for college, I told you to make sure not to get too soft, patted you on the back, and, I can't believe I'm admitting this but, I cried a little. But if you tell anyone that, I will end you."

Sam didn't move, still trying to decide if it was really Dean. "I also still have the anti-possession tattoo," he said, showing his brother the tattoo.

Sam started to lower the gun. "Dean?"

When Dean nodded, Sam rushed forward with a back-breaking hug. Despite the fact that Dean had come back from the dead before, so many times before, Sam still teared up a little. Dean didn't tease him, but only because he had jus reveled he was now a demon and decided his brother needed a break. After a few minutes, Sam finally stepped back.

"We'll fix this, Dean. Whatever we have to do, we'll fix this," Sam promised. Dean smiled slightly, sure that they would, but scared at what it might cost.

"You craving burgers?" Dean asked, anxious to get out of this chick-flick moment. Sam chuckled, rubbing the sleep and worry from his eyes.

"Yeah."

"Good. I'll make them. My treat." Dean walked towards the exit, only to be stopped by some invisible wall or something. Devil's Trap. Shit!

"Uh... Sam." Sam looked up and laughed. Actually, laughed.

"Well, see you later," he said, walking out of the room. dean couldn't believe he was _already _making jokes. He guessed it was just how the Winchesters coped.

"Come on, man! Let me out or no burgers for you!" Sam rushed into the room at that. He laughed as he scratched up the trap with his knife.

"I might have to hide those around the bunker. Revenge for the cat urine!"

"Come on, man!" They entered the library just as Cas did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for taking so long on writing the new chapter. I got a surprise summer essay to do, along with babysitting. Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p>For a moment, nobody moved. Then Cas burst into tears. Dean was alive, but... No. This... This couldn't be happening. Dean rushed forward just in time to catch Cas as he collapsed. The angel buried his face in the hunter's face. It was all too much. Confusion, happiness, fear, sorrow, and love all swarmed through his body like a wild river. The smell of Dean's clothes calmed him down a bit. Dean rubbed the angels back, telling him that it was okay, that they were safe.<p>

Sam wasn't quite sure what to do. He wanted to help his friend, but he sensed that Dean and Cas needed some time to themselves. He slowly retreated to his room, hoping neither man would notice. The two did not. They were too caught up in the other. Dean knew he was an abomination and, while he had no idea what Cas saw with his angel eyes, he knew he was a hideous freak of nature. But he wanted Cas to stay. He wanted Cas to help them fix everything, then stay around and become a part of their family again.

Of course, Cas blamed himself. If he had helped in some way, if he had done... something, this wouldn't have happened. Yet, even with his features twisted and black, he still looked beautiful to Cas. He just wanted to help Dean. He wanted Dean to be the Dean he always knew, not some heartless demon.

Cas knew he was supposed to hate Dean now. I mean, he was not only a demon, but a Knight of Hell! He was the very thing he and the Winchesters hunted. It was his very nature as an angel to hate demons. But there was that part of Cas that just couldn't. Here Dean was, holding Cas as he tried to cry his problems away, not running around murdering people. Dean didn't seem evil; he seemed as kind and loving as ever, if not more. He seemed like Dean. Even if he didn't, after all of the sacrifices Cas made for Dean, he wasn't going to turn his back on the Winchester now.

Dean held Cas until he stopped crying.

Then he did something really stupid. Just as Cas was starting to calm down, Dean absent-mindedly kissed his head.

It took Dean a minute to realize what he just did. He hadn't meant to kiss him. I mean, Cas was his friend and he was going through a really rough time, he didn't need this, too. The hunter immediately stepped back, saying, "Shit, Cas. I'm so sorry. I- I don't know why I did that. I'll... I'll just... go."

"No!" Cas yelped. Both were a bit surprised by this outburst. Cas was never one to yelp, but then again, he was never one to break down either. "Just... Just hold me. Please."

So Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his broken angel once more. They stood there for hours.

* * *

><p>No one quite knew where to start. Sam, Dean, and Cas sat together in the bunker's library, trying to plan what to do next. They had to help restore Heaven along with all the angels' wings, make sure a few demons don't get any funny ideas with Abaddon gone, restore Dean's humanity, and save Cas from his burning grace. They had no clue what to do first.<p>

"Is there a way to cure Dean? Like what you did with Crowley?" Cas asked suddenly.

Sam looked up from where he was examining his feet. He had done a bit of research while Dean and Cas were cuddling. At least one of them needed to do something productive. "Not without getting rid of the Mark of Cain. And unless there are any takers, we're screwed."

"Isn't there a way to destroy it?"

"Not that I know of." They all sunk farther into their chairs.

"What about me?"

"There's very little chance that we can fully restore his grace. The best we can do is extract the grace like with did with me and Gadreel's grace so he becomes a human." They were all silent again. They all knew they needed an angel to help get Heaven back in order. Some one for the other angels to follow. They had no clue on what Hell was like right now, but they supposed that Crowley would deal with the big stuff and they would only gank the escaped Abaddon followers.

Sam stood up. "I'm going to do some more research. Keep spit-balling while I'm gone." In all honesty, it was starting to get tense in that room. True, it had always been sorta awkward when Dean and Cas had eye-sex with Sam in the room, but now it felt awkward on a whole new level. Sam left them to talk about their feelings and stuff.

The two were silent for a little while.

"How long?" Dean asked, looking down at his feet. There was no denying Cas' feelings after last night. Then again, it was the same with Dean.

Cas' eyes bore into Dean. "Since I raised you from Perdition. Your soul... It was so beautiful. After all of the battles and pain, your soul was still pure. It was amazing." Cas paused, wondering whether or not to ask the question on his mind. "What about you?"

Dean sighed. "I'm pretty sure it was when we left the whore house, remember? I didn't really know until you came back from Purgatory, though." Dean looked up into Cas' bright blue eyes. He became lost in them and almost didn't hear when what Cas said next.

"What do we do?"

Dean sighed. That was the big question. "I don't know. I mean, I know we feel the same and stuff, but... I'm just not sure it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well... we could be used as ransom against each other."

"Everyone does that now."

"True. But... This was just one time, what if it doesn't work out? What if it goes wrong and we break up?"

"Then we'll deal with it like adults. We'd still be friends, Dean." Cas honestly couldn't see the problem. They both felt the same and there was nothing stopping them. So why not?

"But... If you're going to be a human and I'm stuck like this-"

"You not going to be stuck like that. We'll fix you."

"I know, Cas, just let me finish. If you do die and I stay a demon... Man, I just can't lose you. Not now, but especially not if we date or some shit like that."

"Dean, I'll be fine. And so will you."

"How can you be sure? Hell, without your mojo, you could die tripping down the stairs!"

"I'm not an idiot, Dean. I've survived as a human before and I can do it again. I know how to handle a gun, but if you insist, I could practice more. I'll be fine."

Dean was silent for a few moments. Cas hunting would be dangerous on its own, but with a demon? And how were they to be sure something bad wouldn't happen? Again? Dean couldn't have Cas, only to lose him again. He didn't think he could go through that. But, like Cas said, he wasn't an idiot. He's had a bit of training and, with a little more help, he could be an expert hunter. And bad things could happen anytime. Why not be happy in the little time between disasters? For the first time in a long time, Dean chose what he wanted.

Dean smiled. "Okay. Okay."

They sat there, smiling at each other, for who knows how long.

* * *

><p>Dean felt something beside him. He grabbed the knife under the pillow, turning to get a peek at the intruder. He saw a muscled body with raven-colored hair. The man's eyes were closed, but he was facing Dean. <em>Cas<em>. The events of last night came back to him. He hadn't had that much fun in ages.

Dean released his grasp on the knife and relaxed back into the bed, facing Cas this time. The hunter watched the angel as he slept and couldn't help but think about all the times he had caught Cas doing the exact same thing. He laughed softly. Cas opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw Dean.

"Didn't we talk about that, Dean? It's creepy." They both laughed and kissed. It wasn't rushed or heated like those exchanged the night before. It was more like a promise. Like a promise that they would do this again. That they would be okay.

"Good morning to you too Cas," Dean said with a smile.

Cas grinned. "Good morning, Dean." They laughed, not quite sure whether to believe this was really happening. This wonderful, beautiful thing. They stared at each other, just happy.

Cas realized it must be pretty late. "Come on, Dean. We've got to get dressed," he said, getting out of the bed.

Dean groaned. "Can't we just stay in bed? I'm sure we can miss _one day_ of research." He pulled Cas back onto the bed by him arm.

"We've got a load of shit to do, Dean."

Dean laughed. "I like it when you try to curse. It's adorable."

"So last night was adorable, then?" They laughed again.

"Now, come on. If you don't hurry up, you'll miss the shower."

Dean perked up. "Wait for me!" he said, bolting out of the bed.

* * *

><p>"There you are! What were you doing? Never mind, I don't want to know. Listen, I've been doing a bit of reserch-"<p>

"Shocker," Dean teased. They sat around a table in the bunker's library later that afternoon. Sam had called for a very important meeting.

"Haha. Very funny. So, I've been doing a bit more research on the Mark and it turns out it brands someone who has sinned and protects them for harm until the apocalypse."

"Well, that's great, Sammy. But if I wanted the obvious I would have just looked up Bible quotes." Sam gave him bitch face #387. Or was it #873?

"That's not the point. Until this Mark gets removed, you're protected from any major harm, including death, but anything angelic will be forced to refuse to help you and anyone who associates with you. On the bright side, you can now lead Hell."

The trio exchanged hesitant glances. If angels were forbidden to help the carrier of the Mark, they could never help to rebuild Heaven. I mean, it took one thing of their To-Do List, but if the angels are left alone, cults will start to form and a massive civil war will take place, just like last time. Of course, none of them planned on Dean being a demon much longer. They all believed they's fix him up in no time. Until then, the team decided that it would be best to limit any contact with angels.

The leading Hell part did intrigue Dean, though. It would fix their problem with the leader thing and they could make sure the demons didn't cause any trouble. Dean smiled at the thought. Leading thousands of de- No. Some part of him told the hunter that these feelings, these thoughts were wrong. He shouldn't be excited to lead an army of demons, not like this. Dean pushed the thought away, worried about what else he might uncover, and changed the subject.

"Any info on getting me back to being slightly less of a fuck-up?" Cas kicked Dean in the shin.

"No, but I do have more information on Cas' grace." The two, demon and angel, leaned forward. "It should be pretty easy extracting the grace, but if what you said about it burning you might cause so problems. If the grace is also what's keeping you alive, which is possible, we'll have to find a trustworthy angel to heal you."

"So you're saying that the thing that's killing Cas is also the thing protecting himself from said damage? That's straight-up Deadpool shit."

"Yeah, pretty much. Cas, do you know any completely trustworthy angels? I'm talking one-hundred percent," Sam asked. It took Sam a second to get over the fact that Dean read comics. Regularly, it seemed.

Cas, who had been quiet during the entire meeting, thought hard. Dean could tell because he had his little concentration face on. It was adorable. Dean instinctively pushed the thought away. He wasn't used to being able to think these thoughts about anyone. It was like accepting a fact after years of denying it. It felt weird, but strangely relaxing.

"There are one or two, but there very hard to contact. It may take a few weeks."

"Cas, we don't have a few weeks. If we don't get that grace out of you soon, it may be too much for an angel to heal," Sam insisted. "Make finding them your number one priority."

"Yes, Sam," Cas replied, feeling like a small child. He turned to Dean and gave him a short kiss. "I shall begin right away."

Cas stood and walked out of the room, probably finding a quiet place to talk with his brothers and sisters. Sam sat motionless for a minute. There was no change in his expression, which scared the Hell out of Dean. Sam didn't know anything about their relationship. I mean, it had only just been made official, but still. Damn, was he talking about official relationships now? Shit, Cas was changing him. Sam got out his phone and pushed a few buttons.

"Hello? Sam?"

"So there really is reception in Oz."

"You think I would come if there wasn't?" Charlie laughed.

"So how's your quest going?"

"While I have lots to tell you, but I know you probably have big news to tell me. What is it? Did you get a girlfriend Did Dean? Is she hot?"

"No, but Dean and Cas are sleeping together now."

It was silent for a moment. "Yes!" Charlie cursed. "You owe me twenty bucks!"

Sam laughed. "Yeah, yeah."

"So give me the details! Did they kiss? Wait, did they have sex?"

"Probably. It's about time anyway."

Sam heard a scream on the other end. And something about OTPs.

"Okay. Gotta go. Have fun with your girlfriend. Bye." Sam hung up and looked up to see Dean's shocked face.

"What, you had eye-sex at least once every time you saw each other. It wasn't that hard to figure out."

"And you didn't say anything?"

Sam gave him bitch face #729. "Would you have believed me? You didn't even acknowledged your sexuality, you wouldn't even of thought about having a crush on Cas."

Dean was silent for a second, trying to come up with a good argument. "Well, why'd you bet on us?"

"Because it was a fast way to make money and pass the time. Believe it or not, lots of... things were rooting for you. I just guessed you'd never admit it. By the way, I'm gonna lose about six hundred dollars, if that makes you feel any better."

Sam walked out (probably to do more research, the nerd), leaving Dean to his thoughts.

* * *

><p><em>Fire. Fire everywhere, engulfing everything in its path. Yet there was no heat. Only the bitter cold. Dean recognized this place. Hell. Instead of the screams he heard last time, Dean heard sick, awful laughter. It filled him with both dread and excitement. Dean grinned. Figures started to appear in the fire.<em>

_"We've been waiting for you," a voice whispered. "We were beginning to doubt you."  
><em>

_"Oh honey, this'll be worth the wait." The First Blade appeared in his hand. Laughter surrounded him again._

_"It better," the voice purred. Dean could now see the voice came from a beautiful woman. A small read dress clung to her body and her bark black hair flowed down her back like a river. Her smile one that he had seen far too many times at bars, but her eyes had a fire burning in them that said she'd kill you slowly, and you'd enjoy it. _

_"So what are we doing?" another voice asked. This time from a muscular man who looked about 30. Of course, he probably had a thousand years of blood on his hands. He looked like the kinda guy you wouldn't fuck with under any circumstance._

_"We're going to show my _friends_ how to have fun," Dean cackled. He cackled now. Huh._

_"What about Crowley?" _

_"Crowley? Oh, please. He's too caught up in his precious little human blood to try to claim the throne. You're stuck with me, pal." A second later, they were standing in front of Sam and Cas._

_"Well, let's show them some fun." Sam and Cas dove toward their weapons, but were caught and restrained within a minute. They got a few extra bruises than needed to keep them still, but hey, it was all in the name of fun._

_Dean ran an angel blade across Sam's neck, leaving a trail of red. This was going to be fun._

_"Can I take the tall one? He's cute," the sexy woman asked, pulling out puppy dog eyes almost as bad as Sam's. Dean looked at the man who was once his brother. He saw only a weak, helpless bastard._

_"Sure sweetheart." The woman squealed, grabbing her blade and settling herself on Sam's lap._

_"Hey, baby. Wanna have some fun?"  
><em>

_"Get off me, bitch," Sam spat, getting blood that was filling his mouth all over the demon's face._

_She pouted, unfazed by the blood. "That's not the way to treat a lady," she said, plunging her knife into his side. Sam cried out while the demon laughed. She started carving random words and symbols into his chest, listening to his screams. Dean laughed, a feeling of pride swelling inside of him._

_"Dean! Dean, you don't have to do this! You can stop this! Dean, please!" Sam shouted in between carvings._

_"Dean, listen to him," Cas insisted, a hint of panic concealed in calm. Dean walked around the angel, dragging his blade around the entire circumference of his neck, creating a collar. Cas stayed silent._

_"Oh, Cas. Still upset that things didn't work out? You gotta learn to let go, man. That was like, three weeks ago."_

_"Dean. Fight this. I know there's a part of you still in there."_

_Dean paused as if he were thinking. "Nope," he said cheerfully, just as the woman plunged her blade into Sam's stomach. Sam was already fatally wounded, but this just ended his pain a bit sooner. Cas looked a Dean expectantly. His brother just _died._ That should bring him out of the mess that was his brain. But Dean just smiled._

_"See?" Dean started carving a message into Cas's chest, cutting deeper and deeper. Cas screamed out, pain burning his body. Dean stepped back to admire his work. __Cas felt hatred burning inside him, but not towards Dean. No matter how hard he tried, he could never hate Dean._

_Dean slashed Cas' bonds and collected Cas in his arms, almost cradling him. Cas' eyes filled with hope. "Dean, keep fighting. You can do this. I believe in you."_

_"Awwwww. Isn't that sweet?" Dean buried his blade in Cas' chest. The angel's eyes filled with sorrow and confusion. Dean watched the life bleed out of his eyes, listened to the angel's last words._

_"Dean..." Dean stood, shoving Cas off of him, and laughed. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time. And they were just getting started._

* * *

><p>"Dean! Wake up!" Cas kept shaking Dean, who was trashing around and covered in sweat. Cas was really starting to get worried. Dean opened his eyes. It took him a second to realize it was a dream. To remember that he was in the bunker and Sam and Cas were alive.<p>

"Cas." Dean threw his arms around the angel, holding him as close as possible.

"You're here and you're not leaving me, you hear?" Dean gasped, still catching his breath from the dream. He could still feel the blood on his hands.

"Shhhhh. I'm here. It's okay; we're safe." Cas stroked Dean's hair, kissing his neck. "It's okay."

After a few minutes, Dean had calmed down enough to untangle himself from Cas. They stared at each other, an old habit that comforted Dean slightly.

"Nightmare?" Cas asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Dean shook his head. "No. It's fine. Just go back to sleep."

"Dean-"

"It was nothing, Cas. I'm fine. Let's just get back to sleep." Cas looked worried as Dean laid down, following hesitantly. Cas kissed Dean's neck and wrapped his arms around the hunter. Soon, his breathing slowed and he was asleep once more.

After about an hour of futile attempts of rest, Dean gently slipped out of Cas' grasp and walked over to the closet. Buried underneath a pile of clothes and wrapped in a towel, laid the First Blade. After throwing it across the room when he first woke up a demon, he hid it for fear of Sam or Cas finding it. He knew he should get rid of the dangerous weapon, as it would just make things worse, but he just couldn't. Which scared him.

Dean unwrapped the Blade and gripped it tight in his hand. A rush of adrenaline coursed through his system, leaving him drunk on happiness. He had a feeling this was how Sam felt when drinking demon blood, but he pushed the thoughts, along with all the bad memories of that time, away. He knew he shouldn't be holding this Blade after the dream he had. In fact, he was fucking terrified, but somehow, the Blade calmed him. It relaxed him, let him believe that everything would work out fine. Cas shifted in his sleep, startling Dean. Deciding not to risk any more time, he re-wrapped the Blade and hid it under the clothes. He slipped into bed, falling to sleep a few minutes later.

* * *

><p>"Where is he?" Dean asked, gulping down his third beer.<p>

"Yeah, Cas. We're running out of time," Sam added.

"She'll be here soon," Cas replied, as anxious as the others. They were waiting in Bobby's old cabin in the woods, not risking exposing the bunker. They were waiting for an angel that Cas trusted to come and heal him after the process of extracting the grace.

Cas looked around. He was actually quite excited to see his old friend again. She always knew the right thing to say and when. Though they didn't get to see each other because of their positions, they were still the best of friends.

"If by soon, you mean now, then yes, brother," a small voice said. The trio turned around to see a brown-haired girl about thirteen. Her skin was as smooth as melted chocolate and the same color. She was dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans. Not exactly what the Winchesters expected.

"Diniel. Thank you for coming on such short notice," Cas said with a smile.

"I am just happy to be able to help you. I am also happy to have an excuse to leave the other angels. They have been auguring over the next course of action."

"Yeah, I bet that's fucking Hell," Dean said.

Diniel's eyebrows knitted together. "Why would the situation be having sexual relations with a place of eternal damnation?"

Sam, Dean, and Cas all exchanged a look. Diniel was more oblivious to human interaction than Cas when the three first met.

"Well, let's get started," Sam said. Cas sat on the chair, mentally preparing himself as the strapped him down. This was a painful procedure and they didn't want Cas flailing about.

"Can we trust you?" Dean asked Diniel, out of Cas' earshot.

"I have been with Cas for billions of years. We have stood side-by-side, warrior and healer, for all of Heaven's wars. Granted, we are not as close as, say you and him, but I would still trust him with my life. Trust me with his." Dean nodded. It wasn't like the had much of a choice anyway. Once Cas was strapped in tightly, Sam inserted the needle. _This isn't too bad. A slight pain, but I can handle it_, Cas though. Then Sam started extracting the grace.

Dean had never heard such a pain-filled scream. Well, excluding Hell and Purgatory. Actually, it was just a really painful scream. He hated to see his angel like this. He hated from the bottom of his black soul. When the syringe was full, Sam emptied it into a bowl and began again. Cas' screams were even worse. Dean surged forward. A small hand on his arms stopped him from reaching the chair.

"It has to be done. I know it hurts to see him like this, but it'll be worse if we don't." Diniel's eyes were filled with pity, fear, and what looked like panic. Dean knew she meant what she said. They stood frozen, afraid if they moved they would run to Cas and free him. They told themselves that it was for the best. It wasn't any easier on Sam. He had to look at Cas' face as he not only took away one of them most important features of Cas, but also causing so much pain.

"I think that's all I can take without killing him. Diniel, hurry." Sam stepped aside as the angel rushed to Cas she placed her hand on his chest, light shining brightly. Cas opened his eyes, which were brighter than usual. She stepped aside.

"It is done," Diniel breathed, freeing Cas from the straps. Dean rushed forward and engulfed Cas in a back-breaking hug. He kissed the top of the ex-angel's head, happy he was alive.

"Dean, I can't breathe." Dean hurriedly released Cas, laughing slightly. Not a minute later, Sam stepped forward and almost hugged him with almost as much strength as the demon. Diniel approached Cas after he was released for the Winchesters' grasp.

"Just so you know, you are still my brother. I will come whenever you need me to and others will, too," she whispered into Cas' ear as she was hugged him. He smiled into her hair.

"And I'll come when you call. You just might need to use a cell phone now." Diniel laughed and unwrapped herself from Cas. She walked over to where Dean leaned against the wall, drinking a bottle of beer.

"Thank you. That was very kind of you," Dean said.

"I would do anything for Castiel. Even helping a Knight of Hell."

Dean' heart almost stopped. Well, his heart had already stopped beating, but you get the point. She knew? Of course she knew. She was an angel, after all. She could see Dean's true form. Did any other angels know yet, or were they too busy bickering? Would she reveal their location?

"Calm down. I will not tell anyone. I do suggest you find a cure, though. Angels aren't as stupid as you think, Dean. Oh, and protect him." Dean gave her a confused look, raising the beer, previously forgotten on the table, to his lips.

"Castiel is my favorite brother. If you hurt him, I will not hesitate to rip out to pieces. I also know you would be lost without him. I've seen how you look at each other. It is quite obvious that you need each other. I also know you have sex with him. Be good to him and-" Dean spit out his beer. Sam and Cas turned away from their conversation to stare at dean. He waved them off.

After getting his wits together, he whispered, "What?"

"The Cherubs were celebrating a few weeks ago. Almost all of the angels know," Diniel replied, confused. What was wrong with her knowing about her brother's sexual history? Dean, meanwhile, silently lost his shit. All of Heaven knew he was screwing Cas. That... complicated things.

"As I was saying, be good to him and protect your future children."

"Children? What children? Wait, is Cas pregnant?! Can he even get pregnant?!" Dean whispered, hoping Cas couldn't hear. Dean was pretty sure that men couldn't have children, but angels were genderless and, at this point, nothing could really surprise him. He just hoped that they would have to deal with an angel/demon kid right now.

"No. His vessel cannot produce children with you. I just assumed that as you were, as you say 'sleeping together,' you would want to adopt children." Humans were strange.

"Dean!" Cas called. _Saved by the bell,_ Dean thought. The two walked over to where Sam and Cas stood. The had a lot to do and it was time to say goodbye.

"Thank you again, Diniel," Cas said, hugging his sister.

"It was nothing. Now keep out of trouble. I don't want to be hearing about you three getting caught by any demons... or angels, for that matter."

Cas chuckled, "I'll try." After a few more quick hugs, Diniel headed off. It was weird for her, not being able to fly. She refused to let the Winchesters take her anywhere in a car, slightly concerned bout its grumbling engine. Was it supposed to do that?

The trio collected anything they brought and headed out to the Impala. It was time to go home.

* * *

><p>"So, do you miss looking at me and seeing demon?" Dean asked, head leaning against his bed's headboard.<p>

"Well, your hair looks better. And I did miss those freckles. But I miss your horns. You were somehow able to pull those off," Cas chuckled, closing the bedroom door. He walked over to the bed and held Dean's wrists down, kissing him slowly. Dean grinned to taste Cas' lips on his. Cas always tasted like hamburgers and toothpaste. A strange combination, but delicious none the less. That is, until he remembered what Diniel said.

"Uh, Cas?"

Cas looked irritated at Dean for pulling away. "Yeah?" he replied, trying to get Dean's shirt off.

"Did you know Heaven knows we're fucking?"

Cas froze. That... That wasn't possible. How could the kno-

"Those fucking Cherubs. They said we were 'soul mates' when we were hunting Famine. They probably told the other angels."

"Yeah." They sat awkwardly, should-to-shoulder, avoiding eye-contact. It was a bit creepy, imagining the angels watching them. Of course, they had more important things to do than watch Cas have sex with the Righteous Man, but it was burned into their minds. Cas knew more than a few angels was laughing and exchanging prizes. He knew that some angels were betting on if and when he and Dean would get together, but he didn't pay much attention to it. They didn't use money, so he was slightly curious as to what the angels won. He, of course, never placed bets as an angel, so he had no clue. It was still embarrassing that they knew though.

Dean hoped they would forget by tomorrow. Cas was really good in bed.


End file.
